choosing your path

For the majority of my life, I've been traveling along a pretty regular path. It's been good to me. That's not to say it hasn't been uphill and difficult at times, but I haven't really had to make huge life decisions about deviating from the straight and narrow. At some early age I decided I wanted to be an architect (seriously, I think I was 10 or 11), so from then on I walked the path towards that goal. Going to Auburn seemed like a decent way to get there, so I didn't apply anywhere else. After graduation, people go out and get jobs, so that's what I did. (Some people might see it as a big decision to move to New York City, but I took the first job I was offered and there was no where else I would have rather been.) After a few years of working, you're supposed to get licensed. It's responsible to get licensed. It's what people who want to be Architects do. I studied a lot, took a bunch of tests, and got my stamp. 

So now, here I am. My clearly defined path has petered out and in it's place are countless forks in the road.

We've had some big events happening at my office recently. Everything is good but change is on the horizon. With the upheaval, people tell me "You should ask for a raise...You should angle yourself to get XYZ...You should have a bigger role with yadda yadda yadda." And most disturbingly, I've been asked "What do you want to do?" What do I WANT? What an insane question. I haven't the foggiest idea.

I've been so consumed with following THE PATH that I hadn't bothered to think of what happens after my arbitrary goal was reached. What kind of work do I want to do? Should I change firms? Do I eventually want to work for myself? Do I abandon architecture completely and do something different? (Probably not, but it's a possible fork in the road.) And beyond professionally, what do I want the rest of my life to look like? How long should I stay in New York? If I leave, where do I go? Do I get married and have 2.5 kids? What kind of work/family balance do I aim for? The questions have always been there but they always seemed distant and terrifying because there is no one to tell me what I should do. 

I know everyone struggles with these choices, so I'm not preaching anything new. I'm also not complaining about the task at hand. I'm incredibly grateful and lucky to be able to set lofty goals and have to opportunity to work towards them. I have the support of my boyfriend, family, and friends no matter what I do and the comfort in knowing it will all be fine in the end. Now, I've just got sit down with a glass of wine and do some soul searching. The path ahead looks uncertain and bumpy, filled with doubt and worry and screw ups and no clear end in sight, but it's going to be okay. It's all about the journey, right?

[image via the fantastic Death to the Stock Photo]

evaporating hours and abandonment

Wow, where does the time go? It's Thursday evening and I feel like this week has engulfed me. Either there aren't enough hours in the day or work just takes up too many of the ones there are. And I don't even work a lot! A couple hours of overtime this week (which is wildly rare) and I've fallen behind on everything, including the gym, cooking actual meals, blogging, and that little thing called studying. I don't know how people with demanding jobs and kids and families (or even dogs!) do it all. Makes me think of this article (found via) I read a while back. Maybe I should really analyze how I spend my time (hello, google reader, I'm looking at you) and cut out things that "aren't a priority". Needless to say, I'm behind on my weekly recap and an account of our DC trip might have to wait until the weekend. Apologies!

Anyway, what seems like an eternity ago, Kurt left for his trip to New Zealand and Samoa. (Here Kurt and his brother are discussing their game plan. Me=jealous) I completely over estimated my independence and figured I would be fine without him. I'll keep the sap to a minimum, but I really miss having him around! Luckily I've been nonstop busy, so I haven't had much downtime to think about it.

The night before he left, we had dinner and drinks at (a favorite of ours) Habana Outpost in Fort Greene. I miss this place so much in the winter. They have cheap beer and one of the best Cuban sandwiches I've tasted. It was bittersweet bidding Kurt bon voyage but I hope this is the first of many trip to Habana Outpost this year.

The day after Kurt left, I took my second ARE, testing my luck on the Schematic Design portion. It was a little different than I had anticipated, so keep your fingers crossed that it went well! Unlike my last exam, I was busy at work, so I decided to head back to the office afterwards. This leads to a pretty mind numbing day! Avoid if you can!

The one upside of going into Manhattan was partaking in the AFHny happy hour after work. 

I filled up on prosecco and cupcakes while Jenn Christian and I discussed our upcoming trip to Washington DC. (Coincidence that they served Georgetown Cupcakes?!)

Pretty lights at Luceplan!

And over the weekend we made it to DC! I had so much fun and we saw tons of what the District has to offer, covering miles by bike and on foot. Even us New Yorkers were tired from all the walking!

This is the view from our awesome apartment (found on airbnb). Even without Kurt's help, I managed to take a boatload of pictures and will share them along with stories as soon as I can :)

Thanks for enduring my rant about time and the lack thereof. I can't claim to be totally swamped this week, because Jenn and I carved out some time to make it to the Burger Bistro in Park Slope. We had Scoutmob coupons for FREE ice cream sandwiches that we could not pass up. The veggie burger and sweet potato fries were good but the ice cream sandwich is worth writing home about. Give it a try.

I hope you have a relaxing, free-time filled weekend!

shaping America's youth

My boss, Hope, has a friend that teaches Latin at St. Joseph High School in Downtown Brooklyn. Every year they have a Women's Day Panel of professional women that come and speak to the girls about careers and college and all that other reach for the stars kind of stuff. Hope was asked to be on the panel and somehow I got roped into it because the girls "would relate to someone younger".

After a very rousing speech by one of the women involved with the Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation, we were split up into rooms corresponding to our field. Hope and I were in a room with an interior decorator, Tita (who of course Hope knew...I feel like the whole morning was a Brooklyn Heights Social Hour). We went through "our story" and answered any questions the girls or the moderator could come up with. I know I'm an adult and should be confident in passing my vast knowledge along to these impressionable young girls, but I was terrified. I tried to hide my shaky hands under the desk and hoped no one would notice when I took a sip of coffee. Public speaking has never been my forte. Luckily, I would manage to utter a few key words about what I was trying to say and Hope and Tita would run with it. I think we made a good team...or at least they made up for my bumbling shortcomings.

I don't really think the girls related to me any better than my older, more established counterparts. In fact, I think they were extremely interested in the process of owning your own business and being your own boss. I was just some chump right out of school. You would inner city kids would be interested in my Southern roots, so I mentioned it a couple times. Nope. Nothing. No bites. I guess when you grow up in NYC, the rest of the country seems unimportant, especially those places of rural persuasion. However, my highlight of the day was making everyone laugh as I described my first-day-at-work-panic and realizing I knew nothing. Somehow I still don't think comedy is in my future :)

It was definitely a new experience. I hope the girls took some inspiration away from the day and can decipher some of my well intentioned fragments. It was great to meet some successful women and hear their stories and advice. At times, I felt more like a student then a panelist!

Civic Responsibility

Is it weird that serving jury duty was the most glorious day I've experienced in a while? Being a complete cake walk probably had a lot to do with it...and having a vacation from work...and being finished at 3:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful day. I'm sad it's over!

I don't know how Brooklyn ever conducts a trial. From what I can tell, the juror selection process mainly consists of shuffling large groups of cranky people from one waiting room (like the one above) to the next. I was corralled between four of these rooms which never amounted to anything. Thank goodness for free wifi. I had some great bonding time with my iPhone and made a huge dent in my book. I made a new friend and we spent our two hour lunch break getting yummy sandwiches in Brooklyn Heights and strolling along the Promenade. It was seriously like a day off from work. 

After lunch, my group was escorted into a court room. There was actually a judge and lawyers and a defendant in there! (I have a Legally Blonde reference to insert here but will spare you) They explained the trial and how the whole jury selection process would work. All of a sudden, I got really excited about the prospect of being on the jury. While everyone around me was grumbling about being there and missing work etc, I really wanted to be involved. Maybe it is my gossipy nature, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving without hearing the evidence and knowing the outcome. Plus, everyone around me was so uninterested, I wanted to be the best jury person that court room had ever seen! Renew their faith in the democratic system! 

The judge and lawyers had a meeting in another room while we waited anxiously (or was that just me?) in the courtroom. After about fifteen minutes they returned and broke the news to us that our services would no longer be needed. This elicited some cheers from my jury peers but I was crushed. Not only were we not going to serve on this trial but we were excused for the rest of the day...and for the next eight years! Sadly, I won't be able to fulfill my jury potential anytime soon AND I won't be taking full advantage of the three paid days I could have had off of work. Alas, I realize everything can't go my way.

On the bright side, it was a lovely day and I had a huge chunk of the afternoon which would normally be spent at work. I took a nice stroll home and decided to go for a long run outside--my first since NYC was transformed into a bitter tundra back in 2010. I ran by my favorite street in Cobble Hill. I would give my right arm to live in these houses.

I checked out progress at Brooklyn Bridge Park and the nice late afternoon light on the buildings of lower Manhattan.

I was on such a running high and didn't want to waste an ounce of daylight that I also decided to do a lap around the park near my house. I might have gone a smidgen overboard. I don't think I will be able to walk tomorrow but it was very worth it. I am excited about the impending months of outdoor fun.

In the theme of overdoing things, I came home and devoured the rest of my Pioneer Woman book. I must have read 3/4 of it today alone. It was so good. I laughed out loud at parts ("lol" to you kids) and cried at others (more than I'd like to admit). It's such an easy read, I would highly recommend it. Maybe work it in over a few days though. One lucky reader might even find a copy waiting in her mailbox real soon...